My tongue has now become a platform for your lies

Lots of things have happened since I last wrote. Some good. Some horrifying.

I'll start with the good.

I have had several opportunities present themselves in the last few weeks to make a significant change in my life. A possible change in where I spend 8 1/2 hours a day, 5 days a week. A change that will possibly put me in a place where my education and experience will be valued and used, as opposed to it being used as a threat held above my head.

Let me tell you, it is extremely disheartening to be told that your education and experience(and subsequent pay rate) is a liability. To be told that you should have been the first to go when the shit hit the fan. To be told that a favor is being paid to you in keeping you on, when you have no real position.

(you thought I was starting out with the good, didn't you??)

So ... I have these opportunities and they are with respectable non profit organizations that care about quality and people and compassion. I should know something by the end of the week. And that will be an incredible, enormous, life changing weight off of my shoulders.

In other nice news, J and I now own two VW products. We brought home an 06 Jetta last week. It is super duper nice inside and beeps when you back up to let you know if you are going to run into something. Which is helpful when you are a bad driver, like me. Even though I will probably never drive it, because J thinks it is his car.


*sigh* now for the hard stuff ...

My mom called me on Thanksgiving and told me that my Grandpa had passed away. He was supposed to go to dinner at my uncles and didn't show. He had apparently suffered a heart attack and passed at home.



No one was prepared for this. Granted he was 77 years old, and had been through some health issues lately, but no one was ready for this.

The next few days went by in a blur in which I felt emotionally stunted and retarded. Even through the showing, I just didn't feel like it had happened. This changed the day of the funeral. It was clear, and cold and I felt like I had been snapped into pieces. There were military honors at the graveside, taps, 21 gun salute, and a folded flag.

And I have been thinking since then ... this sort of thing happens countless times a day. People lose loved ones. They wake up that morning and they have no idea that today will be the day that they lose someone important to them. How do you deal with that? The "what ifs" are never ending and messed up.


I am looking forward very much to a day when I wake up from a restful sleep with no dreams, a day where I don't have to stress about where I work and what I am doing with my life.

2010?